do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Randomize
