I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
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