Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Randomize
