it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Randomize
