I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Randomize
