Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
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