i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
