Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh�
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
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