i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
