Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
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