I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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