I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
