A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Randomize
