apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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