Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Randomize
