I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
