Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
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