She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Randomize
