Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Randomize
