Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
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