It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
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