After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
