now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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