You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
I am full of burrito and curiosity
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Randomize
