The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Randomize
