We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Randomize
