Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
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