And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Randomize
