We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
