it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
