I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
