I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
