one two three fourrrrnication!
Quick, to the slutcave!
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
