i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
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