the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
