that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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