then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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