There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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