Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Randomize
