I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
