From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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