That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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