I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
