he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
