i wish there were pregnant emoticons
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Randomize
