Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
Randomize
