overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Randomize
