am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
