Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Randomize
