sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Randomize
